Three things not to do if you want your marriage to last more than 13 days:

1. Do not use plastic rings for the ceremony ( no matte rhow cute and twee you think the idea might be). 

1a. do not  drop said plastic ring during the ceremony

2. Do not have Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division play durng the
ceremony, no matter how romantic you think the song may be.

3. Do not let your newly married partner move overseas 3 days after the ceremony.